Saturday, November 15, 2014

FFFUUUUUUUUCCCKKK!!!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when we were together last. I should have been there, been more engaged with you and your new friends. My mind was elsewhere but it was you on my mind. I wanted to tell you that I needed you in my life because our time together was amazing. I wanted it to continue regardless of the time and distance between us. I wanted to tell you that I looked continuously for days upon days after you left on how to find a job and live closer to you. I considered lower paying jobs. I considered going back to school to one of the universities near you. I applied multiple times to two jobs to try and get my foot in the door. I should have talked about my feeling about you to you. Why didn't I do that? Why was is so hard? Fuck, why didn't I do that?!?!

I can't say I know why I or anyone does what they do or don't do. If I did, this relationship thing wouldn't be a problem. Life is not perfect, I certainly am not perfect but I strive to be. I want to be that friend, confidant, lover, adviser to you... to someone. I want to compromise, tackle adversity with you with your help. I wish I could tune into your thoughts and feelings. It would make it easier to adjust to or if not, I could talk to you about how to resolve it and somehow make compromises. Why didn't I realize it during my recent relationship missteps? I only blame myself not able to realize or recognize the situation and my actions towards you. If only I had the benefit of hindsight.

I'm sorry my message via match sent the wrong message, it was not my intention. There was no underlying message meant. It was merely the moment I was in when I finally tried to approach this. Had it been via gmail would the message been different? It was heart wrenching to see you were still there, as if you had moved on. Did that mean we were through? Should I move on?

I'm truly sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I neglected you. I'm sorry I acted the way I did. It's gut wrenching and I'm deeply remorseful that my actions hurt you. Fuck, maybe I'm just naive and unrealistic to think a long distance relationship could work. Maybe our time together, however brief, just didn't justify it. I thought it did.

I loved our time together. It made me happy beyond measure. You made me happy. I'm glad I met you. Thank you for allowing me to revel in your company. There will always be a very special place in my heart for you.

~R

Friday, October 17, 2014

Changes

Fall. Leaves on the trees changing color signalling the end of summer. The daylight hours also change along with the cooler temperature. Changes all around.

Relationships change. Sometimes for the good, sometimes it's bad. Jenn moved to Pittsburgh to start her new job at W&J. I want to continue that relationship because she's a fuckin' awesome girl. She came down for the weekend for my birthday. My mind was elsewhere at times and I couldn't devote my full attention on her. I've visited her twice since she moved and the some thing. I couldn't pay her the full attention she deserves. I was always thinking whether she only hosted me to be nice and she didn't broach the subject of us. Whether she wanted to try and maintain the relationship. Not seeing anyone else. Just her and me. Seeing each other when we could. On long holiday weekends. Or occasional trip to ski or hike or mountain bike. Or whatever. I told her I wanted to continue the relationship of just her and me. She made no mention of it.

I internet creeped on her to check if she's on match today. She had just logged into her visible profile within 24 hours. I don't know what to make of it... actually, I have an idea but I don't want to make assumptions or jump to conclusions. It kinda hurts... a lot. Fuck, maybe I'm damned naive. Am I fuckin' stupid to think a long distance relationship can work? Hopeless romantic be damned...

I really love hanging out with her.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

End of July '14

Where to start...

Today I rode the Tiger with Josh. Yeah, the Tiger. Traded in the PCX for a Triumph Tiger 800 XC. I needed something that was more powerful and faster that could take me further. It's mo betta than the Dakar but still maintains the high ride, suspension and handling. Really nice to have a smoother engine in the 800cc triple. It reminds me of a sport bike, very unlike the big thumper of the BMW. Still need to sell that and free up some money.

Speaking of money, I need to junk the Nissan and sell the parts. I gave the Clarion radio I bought for it in Germany from Cruthfield to Jenn, she desperately needed a radio that had a USB/iPod input.

Jenn... she's a hella awesome gal. In fact, she's the current reigning Thunderdome Champion. She's officially moved to Pittsburgh. I visited her over a long weekend a week ago. Part of me wants to quit my job and go back to school somewhere in the Pittsburg area so I could be closer to her. Yeah, she's that great. Smart, sexy, cooks like a mad scientist who whips up delicious meals... when I'm with her she makes me happy. She's gonna be here later this week and on Sunday. Wish she could stay longer.

Thursday, April 03, 2014

results

Started training for this back in October? or September? Fuck, I don't remember... I hadn't been running in forever and got back into it because of a girl even though my leg and gait are all fucked up. At least that's what I told myself as to the reason I stopped running. Ran like a damn fool when I was in the Army. Stopped when I got out and focused all my energies on biking. Much funner. Yeah, that's not good grammar but gives a fuck. Anyways, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, running. Twas hard to get running when it was a cold miserable and hella snowy winter but the end result will be a much happier and healthier me.



Tuesday, April 01, 2014

going dark

Going dark on social media on the ol' inner webs. Not gonna fuck about on Facebook for the month of April. And no this aint no April Fool's joke. Shit is real yo.

I just don't see the point...

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Fuckin' FUCK!

Bad news.

Jenn dropped a bomb on me. And not a good one.

She's accepted a new job in Pittsburg. As with most career positions are, she's going to a college just outside of Pittsburg for better pay and compensation. Just as I was getting into her... FUCK!

In other shit news...

We had another snow event Sunday evening through Monday. That meant yet another damned snow day and having to burn yet another vacation day since the site closed. Fuckin' FUCK!

Shit aint going good... at all.

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Chicks = Sith?

Hmm... this thought was running in my head lately.

That relationship chicks are like the Sith. There can only be two - a Master and Apprentice.

The Master is the one that I'm having the "serious" relationship with and the Apprentice is the "casual" relationship.

Kinda like last year. I eventually chose the Master cutting off ties with the Apprentice but she fucked me over and was left out with nada.

No, I'm not an asshole player. The Apprentice is fun to hang out with and even she said she didn't want a serious relationship. Just hope she don't freak out and go crazy if she sees the Master and I out together.

If only this were a polygamous society...